The NikoJohnny series
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: The requested sequel to THE TREVOR PHILLIPS SERIES... With all the swearing, violence, and immature comedy you guys enjoyed even more then I "thought" you people would...
1. Chapter 1

Roman: (meets Niko at the boat stop).

Niko: (stressed) What took you so long!

Roman: Sorry.. I was at a party.. But anyway.. (singing) Welcome, home, Cousin. You know that, I missed ye-

Niko: _[Off-Screen]_ NO! _[On-Screen]_ NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING!

* * *

Roman is driving them too the apartment, though he's driving very slowly, much to Niko's anger.

Roman: Do you think Mallorie's mad at me?

Niko: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and you won't go around it? (sarcastically) No, I'm sure she finds it charming.

Roman: No, because I didn't invite her to come you with me.

Niko: I'm starting to think she dodged a bullet.. The slowest bullet in the world!.

Roman: Calm down Niko.. I thought you had your anger issues under control?

Niko: What are you talking about. I don't have anger issu- (suddenly enraged) OH MY GOD ROMAN! YOU DID "NOT" HAVE TO SLOW DOWN FOR A BIRD!.. YOU KNOW THEY FLY RIGHT!?


	2. Chapter 2

MEANWHILE:

* * *

Billy: Okay Johnny.. I'll ride up in your bike.

Johnny: I- I don't know man.. You a bit of a dick to me.

Billy: Johnny boy. I have "never" been a dick to you.

Johnny: [rolls his eyes] Oh please! All you EVER do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish!

Billy: Johnny, when have I "ever" ripped on you for being a Jew?

 ** _[in the playground when first meeting each other] You're a Jew!_**

 ** _{while they argue} Oh yeah! Well your just a stupid Jew!_**

 ** _[Riding on their bikes} SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN JEW MOUTH!_**

 ** _[at the club house, on the front steps] {angry at Johnny} Good job, Jew!_**

 ** _[leaving his seat in the club house] Shut up, Jew!_**

 ** _[angry at Johnny for no explained reason] You're JEWISH!_**

 ** _[seated on a curb with the other boys] Dude, he's Jewish!_**

 ** _[staking out a house] Jew!_**

 ** _[on Nightline, seated next to Johnny] Jew!_**

 ** _[in Ashley's dining room] Jew!_**

 ** _[at the side of a road] Jew!_**

 ** _[next to stacks of lumber, as Johnny is about to whack him] Jew!_**

 ** _[at a barn, through a hole on the roof] Jew!_**

 ** _[Johnny reads a Bible] Jew?!_**

 ** _[At a high school dance]_**

 ** _Billy: I told you Jewish people don't have rhythm._**

 ** _Johnny: Fuck off, Billy!"_**

Billy: ... Okay, except maybe for that one time.


	3. Best of Billy Grey

**I can see myself having lot's of fun Billy Grey for this.**

 **So here's his own BEST OF:**

* * *

SCENE 1:

Billy: Okay Johnny.. I'll ride up in your bike.

Johnny: I- I don't know man.. You a bit of a dick to me.

Billy: Johnny boy. I have "never" been a dick to you.

Johnny: [rolls his eyes] Oh please! All you EVER do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish!

Billy: Johnny, when have I "ever" ripped on you for being a Jew?

 _[in the playground when first meeting each other] You're a Jew!_

 _{while they argue} Oh yeah! Well your just a stupid Jew!_

 _[Riding on their bikes} SHUT YOUR GOD DAMN JEW MOUTH!_

 _[at the club house, on the front steps] {angry at Johnny} Good job, Jew!_

 _[leaving his seat in the club house] Shut up, Jew!_

 _[angry at Johnny for no explained reason] You're JEWISH!_

 _[seated on a curb with the other boys] Dude, he's Jewish!_

 _[staking out a house] Jew!_

 _[on Nightline, seated next to Johnny] Jew!_

 _[in Ashley's dining room] Jew!_

 _[at the side of a road] Jew!_

 _[next to stacks of lumber, as Johnny is about to whack him] Jew!_

 _[at a barn, through a hole on the roof] Jew!_

 _[Johnny reads a Bible] Jew?!_

 _[At a high school dance]_

 _Billy: I told you Jewish people don't have rhythm._

 _Johnny: Fuck off, Billy!"_

Billy: ... Okay, except maybe for that one time.

* * *

SCENE 2:

Billy: (angrily) God damn it! How can those deadbeats have my fuckin bike!.. I done all this stupid shit from inside jail!.. Even had to take stupid fuckin lessons in becoming less angry. (enraged) But now those angels have my motherfuckin bike! GOD (smashes hole in wall) DAMN IT!

Jim: ... But you 'obviously' became less angry.

* * *

SCENE 3:

Billy: (being arrested) JOHNNY! YOU SET ME UP! YOU JEWISH FUCKIN... JEW!... (off view) YOUR FUCKIN DEAD!

* * *

SCENE 4:

Billy: Lost MC is here motherfuckers!

Brian: Yeah! Lost M-

BILLY: SHUT UP BRIAN!

* * *

SCENE 5:

Billy: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why the long faces? No wait, that's your "normal" faces.

Brian: (laughs)

Billy: Shut up Brian.

Brian: Y- Yes sir.

Billy: Anyway.. Might I tempt you in a swift libation, my most trusted and honored guests?

Angel leader: I thought we had a truce going on?

Billy: Did you? Funny thing.. I wasn't aware.

Johnny: I told you five minutes ag-

Billy: I wasn't aware!

Angel leader: (growls).

Billy: But, let me tell you, it's a strange kind of truce that makes you think it's okay to gatecrash my party, Deadbeat motherfucker.

Angel leader: I'm sorry. You enjoy your little party. I take it, the good times are over. No problem, old man. [flips him off while walking away].. Have a nice day.

Billy (shoots him dead) DON'T FUCKIN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

* * *

SCENE 6:

Billy Line 'em up, my brother... Let me have some of that heroine, motherfucker!

Brian: Yeah! Heroine is tigh-

Billy: (annoyed) shut up Brian!

Billy: (smokes it).

Brian: Guess this means w-

Billy: [high on cocaine, shouting, speaking quickly] You know what I can't stand!? Internet piracy! How would you like it if musicians stole from YOU!?... (pointing at Clay) What if Cannibal Corpse stole your precious glasses?

Clay: ... [uncomfortable] I think I'll mostly just be confused..

* * *

SCENE 7:

Johnny: One word: business. Like I told you when you were in there, or were you so busy playing holier-than-thou you started believing your own bullshit?

Billy Oh forgive me. You know, I've had a complicated few weeks. It's hard to to pretend to care about people. Espically woman.. Now... GET MY FUCKIN BIKE!

* * *

SCENE 8:

Billy: WHOO! I GOT MY BIKE BACK! THIS SO AWESOME! I AM HIGH ON COCAINE! PUNCH ME JOHNNY BOY!

Johnnny: (punches him because Billy asked him too).

Billy: WHY'D YOU FUCKIN HIT ME!?

Johnny: You asked me t-

Billy: Stop making excuses Jew boy!

* * *

SCENE 9:

Johnny: BILLY!

Billy: Haha.. About time you got here..

Johnny: (points handgun) I'll kill you!

Billy: Come on. You don't know how to use that thing.

Johnny: Oh really? (turns the gun sideways) What if I hold it sideways like a black guy?

Billy: (scared) Whoa man!.. Take it easy, all right?

Johnny: I hate you Billy!.. I ALWAYS hated you!

Billy: You gonna shoot me than? Or just keep standing there staring at me?

Johnny: I will!... Eventually.

Billy: Hurry up! I'm getting bored.

Johnny: I will! I will!.. Just be patient.

Billy: (lies to anger him) I fucked Ashley and Carly BOTH!

Johnny: You prick!

Billy: (wanting him to shoot already) Then do it! What are you waiting for? Go on!

Johnny: I will! I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKIN HEAD OFF!

Billy: THAN DO IT!

Johnny: I WILL!

Billy: Than why am I still alive!?

Johnny: Becau-.. Shut up!

Billy: JUST FUCKIN DO IT!

Johnny: Look.. just give me a second.


	4. Chapter 4

Niko: So, you full of crap or what!?

Roman: What!?

Niko: Where's luxury condo? Where's sports car? Where's Barbara with big titties and Stephanie who sucks like a vacuum?

Roman: What you talking about?

Niko: In your letters to my mother, in your letters to me... all I hear about is Mr. Big, Mr. Roman, living the American dream. Sports cars, condos, women, money, the beach... opportunity! I come here, and the only thing big about your life is the cockroaches.

Roman: That's right. I got the best cockroaches, I got the best dirt!

Niko: SHUT UP! (angrily punches hole into the wall).

Roman: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, I guess I'm okay with you destroying my property.

Niko: I'm serprised your sober enough to realize this.. You were drunk five minutes ago..

Roman: Relax... No alcohol was consumed during the party... Just kidding. I definitely passed out halfway through and woke up pissed off that no one woke me up when in fact they all tried multiple times to no avail. I've been low key lightweight casually kind of sick so I think my body was just like "yo seriously with all these shots right now?" and when I responded with more shots my body was all like "ok then I'm knocking you the fuck out" and thus began my slumbers. Apparently I was sweating profusely and they were all looking at me like 'is this dude ok?' So yeah when I say I've been low key lightweight casually kind of sick I mean I've been definitely sick. Anyways that stack of money was fake. Yes, it was prop money. I was too drunk to realize it was there, they got it out when I was asleep, but yeah I wasn't trying to "flex" so shut up. And if you don't believe me then why would I have just told all this in such large description? Good one person. This description is just dumb at this point and I'm going to stop giving you unnecessary information righttt aboutttt now..

Raman: But anyway.. But here, all I needed was one good guy. One good guy, I could do well. Not take over the world, but do oka-

Niko: (angrily after looking in the fridge) WHERE'S THE FUCKIN MILK!?

Roman: I don't have any-

Niko: (enraged) Then go out and FUCKIN BY SOME!

Roman: (scared) Okay, okay! (runs out the door).

* * *

SOON AFTER:

* * *

Roman: (gives Niko milk container) You happy now?

Niko: (happily) I'm VERY happy now?

Niko and Roman both sit at the table.

Roman: Anyway.. what about you? What about you, cousin?

Niko: What? What about me?

Roman: Well... why you leave home after all this time? First, I hear you're running around with the wrong kind, then I hear you joined the merchant navy, now you're here. You never tell me anything.

Niko: No.

Roman: What do you mean no?

Niko: No, I never tell you anything. Another time.

Roman: Oooh, mystery man... strange and exotic sailor! What happened? Did your captain make you pregnant?

Niko: Screw you! No, no, it's nothing like that. The ships were fine. It was before that, two things. You remember... (sudden anger) WHAT IS UP WITH THIS FUCKIN CHAIR!?

Roman: It's fine. Just keep going.

Niko: Fine., During the war. We did some bad things and bad things happened to us. War is where the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other. I was very young, and very angry. Maybe that is no excuse... Roman?

Niko: (violently pounds table) ROMAN!.. Are you sleeping you FAT FUCK!?

Roman: I'm sorry I-

Niko: FUCK YOU ROMAN!... Fuck!... Fuck someone!... Fuck a tit!... Fuck a tit hard!... For the love of Alan greenspan... FUCK!

Roman: ... Feel better?

Niko: ... (sighs) not really.


	5. Chapter 5

Billy Line 'em up, my brother... Let me have some of that heroine, motherfucker!

Brian: Yeah! Heroine is tigh-

Billy: (annoyed) shut up Brian!

Billy: (smokes it).

Brian: Guess this means w-

Billy: [high on cocaine, shouting, speaking quickly] You know what I can't stand!? Internet piracy! How would you like it if musicians stole from YOU!?... (pointing at Clay) What if Cannibal Corpse stole your precious glasses?

Clay: ... [uncomfortable] I think I'll mostly just be confused..

* * *

Billy: (after calming down) So, Johnny boy... Where's my bike?

Johnny: You know where it is.

Billy: Uhhh... Let me rephrase the question - where the "fuck" is my bike, and why the fuck haven't you gotten it back for me?

Johnny:

Because you know where it is!

Billy: Are you deaf? Give me that whisky. Are you fucking deaf!?

Johnny: No!

Billy: Then answer the God damn question. Why the fuck haven't you gotten it back for me, friend-brother?

Johnny: One word: business. Like I told you when you were in there, or were you so busy playing holier-than-thou you started believing your own bullshit?

Billy Oh forgive me. You know, I've had a complicated few weeks. It's hard to to pretend to care about people. Espically woman.. Now... GET MY FUCKIN BIKE!

Johnny: What am I!? YOUR FUCKIN DOG!?

Brian: Everyone calm dow-

Everyone: Shut up Brian!

Johnny: Listen, Billy, they were pissed and they had a reason. Your bike chopped that girl's leg off.

Jim: Better than the one Brian got shot.

* * *

(Flashback):

* * *

Johnny: Okay Gionna.. Afried I can't go with you to the drug trade.. But Brian can go.

Brian: I'll take good care of h-

Johnny: (angrily) SHUT UP BRIAN!

Johnny: (calmly back to Gionna) Anyway.. Brian is a good guy. i promise he won't rob you and leave you for dead.

SOON AFTER:

Brian robbed her and left her for dead.

Johnny: My God, Why the hell didn't I see it coming? All right, stand aside. It's about time I did my brotherly duty! (chuckles) I said "duty," but no time to laugh about it now!

* * *

Johnny finds Brian at a bar.

Johnny: (angrily) HEY BRIAN!

Brian: (happy to see him) Hey Joh-

Johnny (leaps onto brian violently) And this is for laughing at all your own jokes during bike rides! (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) Who do you think you are? Ashley Butler!? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) You think because SHE dose it, it's okay for you? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) YOU HAVEN'T EARNED WHAT SHE'S EARNED BUDDY! (drops Brian who crawls away).

Johnny: All right, now where's the guy who betrayed Gionna?


	6. Chapter 6

Roman: Come on, Dardan, what's your problem?

Dardan: I don't have problem. You do!

[Dardan points a knife at Roman while Bledar smashes his computer monitor.].

Roman: Hey I just got that fixe- (get's locked in chock hold) Mommy!

Dardan [choking Roman] Where's your Russian friend now, eh?

Roman: (choking) He's not my friend... he's my loan shark...

Niko (enters and enraged by the scene) HEY!

Dardan: Fuck you! (tries to stab Niko, who dodge it)

Niko: (breaks his arm).

Dardan Oh my arm. Oh!

Niko: (mockingly) Ohh, was that your arm?

Dardan: Fuck you!

(Bledar hops over the desk to help Dardan).

(The Albanians retreat and run out of the depot).

Niko: And if you come back! I'll kill you! You understand!

Roman: (waving Dardan's dropped knife) You forgot this, you Albanian pricks!

Roman: ... Shit, Niko - what did you do?

Niko HE WAS GONNA STAB ME!

Roman: Now he's going to kill you!

Niko: Relax... They learned there lesson.

Roman: But what if they beat me up later!?

Niko: Don't be silly. That isn't gonna happen..


	7. Chapter 7

Jim: Pretty Boy.

PB Hey.

Jim: Where's the bike?

PB Oh, it's good to see you too, tough guys.

Uhh... what bike are you talking about exactly?

Johnny: You "know" what we're talking about.

PB: Billy's bike? Jesus, man, it's been a long time. I thought he was dead. What's he want it for? To sell it for crack, right, eh?

Billy [walks in] Maybe later.

PB: (scared) Hey, good to see you, Bill! Man, I thought you was dead...

Billy: Where's the bike?

PB: I don't know.

Billy: (disturbingly calm) Jim, start the bike.

(Jim starts the Bike and Johnny slowly holds him down to the real, much to his fear and agony).

PB: Whoa, hold on... Wait please, please... no, nooo...

Billy: (losing patience) Where - is - my bike?

Johnny: Speak, you ugly fuck!

PB Ah, okay listen... ah, the Angels of Death took it to their place in Northwood. Billy Motherfucking Angels of Death. PB That's all I know... please!.

Billy: WHAT!?

PB: I- It's true.

Johnny: (throws Pretty boy down) Thank you.

Billy: Yes.. (smashes hammer onto PB's jaw) THANK YOU!

Jim: Whoo, calm down Bi-

Billy: Shut up!.. Things just keep getting worse and worse for.. I done all this stupid shit from inside jail!.. Even had to take stupid fuckin lessons in becoming less angry. (enraged) But now those angels have my motherfuckin bike! GOD (smashes hole in wall) DAMN IT!

Jim: (sarcastically) But you 'obviously' became less angry.


	8. Chapter 8

Bleeder: (guarded by two unnamed men) Our problem is your cousin!.

Niko: I told you too stop! Now it's too late!

* * *

Johnny and them arrived at Billy's bike but saw angels of death guarding it and they had grab their guns.

* * *

 _KORN - DEEP INSIDE: Plays as mood settleing music.._

* * *

Niko grabbed one of the two unnamed men, head butted him violently, and violently kneed him in the face.

* * *

Johnny smacked his gun against an enemies face as he continued shooting.

* * *

It continues going back and forth like this, ending with Darton being dramatically thrown off the edge.

* * *

 _ENDS THE SONG:_


	9. Chapter 9

Billy: WHOO! I GOT MY BIKE BACK! THIS SO AWESOME! I AM HIGH ON COCAINE! PUNCH ME JOHNNY BOY!

Johnnny: (punches him because Billy asked him too).

Billy: WHY'D YOU FUCKIN HIT ME!?

Johnny: You asked me t-

Billy: Stop making excuses Jew boy!

Johnny: Bu-

Angel leader: (comes into view) Hey! Lost and Damned!

Billy: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Why the long faces? No wait, that's your "normal" faces.

Brian: (laughs)

Billy: Shut up Brian.

Brian: Y- Yes sir.

Billy: Anyway.. Might I tempt you in a swift libation, my most trusted and honored guests?

Angel leader: I thought we had a truce going on?

Billy: Did you? Funny thing.. I wasn't aware.

Johnny: I told you five minutes ag-

Billy: I wasn't aware!

Angel leader: (growls).

Billy: But, let me tell you, it's a strange kind of truce that makes you think it's okay to gatecrash my party, Deadbeat motherfucker.

Angel leader: I'm sorry. You enjoy your little party. I take it, the good times are over. No problem, old man. [flips him off while walking away].. Have a nice day.

Billy (shoots him dead) DON'T FUCKIN TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Johnny: Aah, you moron!

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE ONE:**


	10. Chapter 10

**EPISODE 2: (only featuring Niko):**

* * *

Roman: (depressed and holding large beer).

Niko: (comes in) Hey, what's wrong?

RomanL Hey, cousin.. Bullshit.

Niko: What's bullshit?

Roman: Mallorie!  
Niko: Oh. What about her?

Roman: I like her... I really like her...

Niko: But you keep messing around with other women.

Roman: Yeah... no. I think she's messing around with Vlad. I saw his car parked outside her place the other day!

Niko: Yeah.

Roman: ... You knew?

Niko: I had suspicions.

Roman: You fucking knew!?

Niko: What was I going to say?

Roman: You knew my woman was banging this warthog and you didn't do anything!?

Niko I-

Roman: You didn't say anything? Niko I didn't know!

Roman: ... Your an asshole Niko Bellic! a disloyal user! After what I did for you, you dick! YOU FUCKIN DICK!

Niko: I'm sorry!

Roman: SCREW YOU!

Niko: Look, it wasn't my business.. I thought you were okay with it!

Roman: Well clearly I'm not!

Niko: Well.. Go after him then. (opens friddge) Cause I'm not getting involv- Wait, what happened to my kit-kat bar I left in here?

Roman: Vlad must of took it.

Niko: (enraged) THE MOTHER FUCKER!

Roman: Whoa man, calm dow-

Niko: (finds and cocks a pump action shotgun) I'LL KILL HIM! (runs out towards the car, holding the shotgun).

Roman: Wait Niko. Don't do anything too craz- Wait for me!


	11. Chapter 11

Vlad: Fucking yokel, you think you can get away with killing me?

Niko: I guess I'll find out!.

Vlad: You think this is worth it? My friends will track you down, you won't last a moment!

Niko: I'll last longer than you will, shithead. NOBODY fucks Roman's girl like that!

Vlad: ... I was only joking about that.

Niko: ... What? But she was at your hou-

Vlad: She was there for something else... Besides. Mallorie is gross.

Niko: ... Oh god!... Guess I wasn't thinking properly.

Vlad: It's fine.. Just stop pointing that stupid gun at me.

Niko: Fine... (throws down the shotgun, but it accidently goes off and shoots Vlad in the stomach, and falls down in pain and agony).

Niko: (gasps) Shit! Dose it hurt!?

Vlad: (angrily) OF COARSE IT FUCKIN HURTS!

Niko: Hang on man. I'll get that out of ya! (begins violently kicking where Vlad has been shot believing it's bringing the bullet out, but sadly it is actually bringing it further into him).

Eventually Niko took out his knife, cutting though Vlad's body, till he found the bullet/

Luckily Niko 'did' manage to get the bullet out of Vlad's body. But it was all for nothing, as Vlad was now dead.

* * *

Roman: (sees the body) ... (shocked) What happened!?

Niko: Uhh... (pretending it was purpose) What do you 'think' happened, I shot him!

* * *

Niko: When I was in the army... we were going on a mission... to ambush a squad who had killed a lot of innocent people. They were our enemies... but we never did it. There were fifteen of us. All boys from the village. But one of us betrayed the group. It was a setup... for money! Twelve people died, three escaped. I know the traitor was not me... So for ten years I've been searching for the other two. One of them lives here.

Roman: Why are you telling me this now!? Do you always get sentimental after you kill people?

Niko: You kept asking...

Roman: Wonderful! You're here on some revenge mission for something that happened ten years ago. And you don't care whose life you ruin on the way?

Niko: No

Roman: Well what?

Niko: I don't know... I just want to know why they did it. But anyway, let's hide the body, at least for a while... Put him in the river... [Together, they roll his body toward the water. A siren wails in the distance.]

Roman: Shit. We should get out of here.

Niko: You go. I'll catch up with you later...

Niko: Oh, here's the candy bar. (takes bite of his kit kat bar tossing before Vlad's body in the lake).

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 2:**


	12. Chapter 12

Niko: Keep away from Mr Faustin's daughter.

Mason: Fuck you! This ain't Russia! And we ain't communists!

Niko: Why dose everybody think I'm Russian?

Daughter: Tell my dad! I can see whoever I want..

Mason: I will get the brothers. And we're kick your as- (gets shot in the face, and dies).

Niko: (holding handgun).

Daughter: YOU KILLED HIM!

Niko: Yes. That's why I'm here… What did you expect.. Me to chase him down on a bike and fight him and other bike members.. No thank you.


	13. Chapter 13

Johnny: Brian, Brian, are you sure you want to be here? I mean, this is a man's job after all.

Brian: No, Johnny, nope. You're the fucking pussy, man.

Johnny: Shit, I can't hear you, big man. It's the wind. Speak up next time.

* * *

LARGE GUNFIGHT BEGINS:

* * *

Billy: Lost MC is here motherfuckers!

Brian: Yeah! Lost M-

BILLY: SHUT UP BRIAN!

* * *

Johnny took put an M16 and started open firing at the enemies.

Johnny: DIE YOU FUCKS!

* * *

Brian: (managed to throw a gernade, witch successfully killed three or four of the Angels).

* * *

Billy had double pistols and skillfully started gunning down Angels.

* * *

NEAARLY AN HOURS LATER:

* * *

Johnny: I DON'T CARE IF I DIE! (Fires violent rain of bullets at an Angel in cover).

Angel: Haha! Missed m- (gets shot and killed by Jim who was using a Sawed off shotgun).

* * *

Eventually only one of the angels remained and Johnny shot an dramatic rain of bullets all over various parts of his body.

Billy Saddle up, brothers. These fucks are dead.

* * *

Billy: Brothers... Brothers, come on in, gather round... Brothers, I just got word that Jason's been killed up in Broker.

Johnny: Aw, man.

Billy: He was banging some Russian broad and her heavy duty father didn't much like it.

Brian: He hired a fucking Polack to do it.

Billy: I think he was a Serb, Brian.

Brian: Fucking Slav scumbag all the fucking same.

Billy: Shut the fuck up... Now Brothers, we will find a way to get payback against this Polish/Russian/Serb - I don't really give a shit. In the meantime, let's take a moment to remember Jason and all the other men who've given the finger to this shitty little thing that we call conformity.

Brian ;Amen, Billy.

Johnny: Got that right.

Billy: Now, Jason was, he was just a kid, but he hit the throttle harder than most of us, huh? He was a law breaker, trouble maker, a beer drinker and hell-raiser. He didn't suffer fools, he got any piece of hole he wanted, he always had time for a brother in need, and he was scared of precisely jack shit.

Johnny: Right.

Billy: In short - the kind of man I'd want to be.

Jason: Michaels - lost but not forgotten.

Brian: Amen to that, Billy

Johnny: Jason.

[They drink.]

Billy: Okay boys, the time for pussy licking ass kicking is over. We are brothers for life, Lost forever. In these perilous times it's more important than ever that you follow your leader. And this is me, remember. See you boys back at the clubhouse.

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 2**


	14. Episode 3

**EPISODE 3:**

* * *

Mallory: Liz, this is Niko, Roman's cousin, and Niko, this is Elizabeta. She's an old friend. She'll give you some work.

Lizzy: Okay... thank you, Mal. So, tough guy, you know about this business?

Niko: I know about protection. What do you need?

Lizzy: I need someone no one knows to oversee a deal I'm not sure about.

Niko: Easy.

Lizzy: I think it'll be a bit more taxing than hanging with Manny on "the streets".

Niko: Not so... For one, I won't have to listen to him talk.

Lizzy: [laughing] True! Hey Niko, this is Pa-.. Packie?

Packie: (comes out of bathroom) Ahh.. Always nice releasing the load.

(water pours out the bathroom door).

Lizzy: Damn it Patrick.. Why do you ALWAYS have to clog my toliet.

Packie: Whatever..

Lizzy: Uhhh... Anyway.. Packie is shopping. But I've never trusted the people he's buying off, and I can't, in good consciousness, help him... unless he's got some extra insurance - you.

Packie: And that's why you're the best, darling.

Lizzy: Ah. Maybe...

Packie Alright, tough guy, let's do this..

Niko: Sure...But why dose this writer ALWAYS use you.. Doesn't that make you a Marysue.

Packie: Probably a bit.. But what do I care. I often get paid the MOST in his stories.

Niko: Just as long as there's no pony references like the last one.

Packie: Of coarse not.. Come on Dash!

Rainbow Dash: (runs over) Coming!

Niko: (faceslap) Grrr!

* * *

Niko: Where we going?

Packie: Dash and I got this meeting over on Joliet Street. There's a rifle up on the roof of the place next door. You need to go up there and make sure nothing goes wrong. You'll see us and our friend Connor show up in a bit. You're my guardian angel.

Niko: You don't trust these guys you're doing the deal with, how come you trust me?

Packie: You got a good luck about you and I'm lucky with my gut feelings.


	15. Chapter 15

Niko: (reaches the top floor when suddenly he gets a phone call).

Roman: (on phone) Cousin, let's go bowling.

Niko: Not know Roman.

Roman: (on phone) Strip club than?

Niko: You know I don't care for that shit cousin.

Roman: (on phone) but they got Lindsay Lohan now.

Niko: ... Really?

Roman: (on phone) yeah. And she shows EVERYTHING!

Niko: Oh god! That is so fuckin hot!

Roman: (on phone) I know right.

Niko: What about Paris Hilton?... I mean.. She's a idiot. But she's got an rockin bod!

Roman: (on phone) Soon Niko, soon... That's the dream.

* * *

Packie: Careful Connor.. I don't trust these guys.

Connor: Relax. Nothing bad is gonna ha- (gets shot dead).

Dash: (panics and tries flying away).

Packie: (catches her by the tail) Not this time little lady.. We're in this together.

Leader: (pointing handgun) Now you die!

Packie: That's what you think.. But I got a sniper on the roof.

* * *

Niko: (still on the phone with roman) Hawhawhawhaw! God! That is so true!

* * *

Leader: (still pointing handgun) ... You were saying?

Packie: Umm... (gasps) What's that over there! (points behind the leader).

Leader: (looks behind him).

Packie: (tackles the leader and grabs the hand gun with he shoots the leader with).

(the other 4 fired on Packie and Dash, who both jump in cover).

Packie: Alright... Just like we practiced.

Dash: (nodes and throws grenade killing 2 of the enamies).

Packie: (was fast enough that he shoots dead one of the enemies, but than the last one knocks him onto the ground, only to be shot the the eye by nikons sniper).

Dash: (about Niko) Jesus! Took him long enough.

Packie: Mwa.. What you gonna do... Let's just get outta here.

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 3**


	16. Small message

**For anyone wanting who enjoyed Spoof Packie during the orginal Trevor Phillips series.**

 **Your in luck.**

 **Spoof Packte has a WAY bigger role in this one than he did in Trevor phillips series.**

 **In fact the next episode is a full on Packie episode..**

 **With Rainbow Dash replacing Gordan Sargent's scenes, but everyone else staying the same..**

 **:)**


	17. Episode 4

**SEASON 1/EPISODE 4:**

* * *

Packie: ...so the plan was they were gonna hide the diamonds in the Queen's ass! (the other 3 laugh)

[Niko enters.]

Kate: Oh, hey, Niko.

Niko: Hey, Kate.

Packie: Get your fucking hands off my fucking sister, boy.

Dash: (only one to laugh).

Kate: (sarcastically) We're talking, not having casual sex, Patrick... I pray after the amount of practice you've had you'd know the difference.

Packie: Sure, I know the difference. One leaves you feeling sad and empty and alone... and the other's casual sex!

Dash: (again the only one to laugh).

Packie: See. the pony gets me.

Kate: Whatever... I am quite sure you and mister Niko here will have fun on your 'play date'.

Ma: [from another room] Kate!

Kate: Coming, Ma... you boys place nice, now...

Packie:: (sarcastically) For sure.

Ma: Kate!

Kate: Okay! [Kate leaves.]

Packie: Oh, we're gonna play "real" nice... [pulls out rifles] They're clean as a fuckin' whistle... One previous owner... safely driven... ready for action.

Packie: [to Niko] We got an opportunity, my boy.

Michael Yep. Fortune favors the brave.

Dash: (tying red bandana on her head) Gotta make hay while the sun shines.

Packie: So is you down, boy, or is you out?

Niko: Down for what?

Michael: Down for robbing a thief.

Dash: Like Robin Hood.

Packie Exactly, Robin fuckin' Hood, (the three laugh)...

Niko; Who are you going to rob?

Packie: The fucking Mafia, boy.

Niko: Is the money good? What's the risk?

Packie: Well, the risk is... we all die a very slow and painful deathb. (he Michael and Dash chuckle to themselves)... And the money is good, very good indeed.

Michael: So you in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill you?

Niko: Well... since you put that way, I'm in.

Michael: Good, let's go.

Dash: Alright, alright, let's go. Let's do this.

* * *

LATER ON THE ROAD:

* * *

Niko: A Mafia controlled waste management plant?

Packie: You fuckin' guessed it. It's an Ancelotti operation. Ray tipped us off about a big payoff they just got. A fat cash payoff.

Michael: Ancelottis, eh? I can't tell none of those mob families apart. Ancelottis, Gambinos, Pecorinos.

Packie: It's the fucking "Pegorinos", man. We're workin' for them... "Pecorino's" a type a cheese... "Pegorino's" is a bunch of guido gangsters outta Alderney.

Niko: They're all Mafia though?

Packie: Course they are. Cosa Nostra and all that shit. Our family used to be bigger than all them Mafia families put together. Back in the day, that is.

Dash: Oh god. Not THIS crap again... I heard this speech a million times.. " _The McReary's ran the city. People was scared to say their name let alone come near their place in Purgatory. Life was great. We were in charge_ ".

Packie: It's fucking true!. I'd like to hear you tell Gerald that it's a boring story. Me brother wouldn't take too kindly to that now would he, little lady?... (to Niko) You know that Purgatory is called what it is because people were so scared of the McRearys. Did you know that, Niko?

Dash: (sarcastically) It's called that because people found the McRearys' stories so damn boring. Listening to them was like being IN Purgatory!

Packie: Fuck you, girl, I'll fucking come back there and kick your fucking ass in a minute.

Niko: (changing the topic) I hear that Francis McReary is your brother?

Packie: Fucking Frankie, my brother... He may have a badge, but I tell you for a fact he's as crooked as the rest of us McRearys. More so. At least we ain't fucking hypocrites. Kate's the only decent one.

Niko: I can believe that.

Packie: You know Frankie do ya? I got a story for you if you do.

Dash: ANOTHER fuckin story!?

Packie: SHUT UP DASH!... So, Niko, when Francis and Gerald was growing up, Frankie becomes an altar boy. He swears to this day that he wanted to serve the Lord. Gerry knows the truth though. He only put on that cassock so he could pocket the change in the collection plate. Fact. That's Francis down to a fucking T. I don't even know if he realizes what a crook he is.

Niko: That sounds like the Francis McReary 'I' met.

Packie: I bet. Model community leader, my ass.

Michael: You're just worried he'll start clamping down on you, ain't ya Packie?

Packie: I'd like to see him try it. Not gonna happen with the things Gerry knows.


	18. Chapter 18

Niko: (grabs Carbine Rifle)

Packie: (loading AK47) Here we are boys. Moment of fucking truth... If Ray is correct then the money's going to be kept in the office, in the main building.

Dash: (pumps short Shotgun) Alright, let's go and get that money than.

Michael: (holding Carbine rifle) Why you need it anyway?.. I thought you had LOTS of money.

Dash: I did.. But I must of used it all.

Michael: Fair enough.

* * *

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING:

Enamy: INTRUDERS!

(they all open fire on Packie's group).

Michael: RETURN FIRE! (they shoot and kill a fair amount of enamies).

Packie: (fast talking) I'LL-FUCKIN-KILL-YOU-MOTHERFUCKIN-(not even real words anymore).. (shoots several of them dead).

SHORTLY AFTER:

Dash: (shoots dead the last enamy) That's all of them Packie.

Packie: Great.. Let's get inside.


	19. Chapter 19

Packie: (kicks down the door) LET'S DO THIS!

* * *

 _korn - Wake Up Hate begins playing a huge fight takes place._

* * *

Eventually Niko maade his way upstairs towards the money as the others covered him.

* * *

Dash: (shoots one with her shoot gun and the blast blew him a few feet away).

* * *

Packie: (shoots two enemies in a row).

* * *

Niko: Okay kids, I got the cash. (enemy reinforcements arrive). Shit! Looks like were not the only ones after it!

* * *

 _The song begins playing again._

* * *

Michael: (throws gernade, killing several enamies).

* * *

Packie: (guns down enamy) You ain't taking ME down!

* * *

Niko: (guns down enamy) YOU LIKE!?

* * *

Packie: (shooting at off view enamy) Dash, you and St Michael hold the area, me and Niko were swim to the boat.. And we're meet up later.

Dash: (off view) Sure boss, catch you later.

Michael: (off view) And try to keep the money dry!

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Packie: That was fucking beautiful! We did ourselves proud. My brother Gerry is going to be fucking ecstatic.

Niko: Providing the Ancelottis don't figure out it was us that ripped them off.

Packie: Don't fucking worry about it. They'll just figure it was another one of the five families. Us McRearys are under the fucking radar nowadays. It ain't a problem.

Niko: I hope you're right for my sake.

Packie: Shut up and think about the money. If that don't work, think about my sister. I tell you though, you're only getting your hands on ONE of those things, you maniac, and it ain't going to be my Katie.

Niko: I'll think about the money then.

Packie: What a trooper.


	20. Chapter 20

**The rest Episode 4 is from TREVOR PHILLIPS SERIES:  
**

* * *

Packie: Gerald was very clear about the way things is going down, boys. Me and Michael are on the civilians, Derrick and Niko are on employe... (to Derrick Derrick) did you sort out the charge for the vault door?

Derrick: What's that mean? Of course I sorted out the charge. What you think I been doing all day?

Packie: I dunno. Nodding off with a needle sticking outta your arm?

Derrick: Patrick, you was such a sweet little boy when I left this city... Now all you do is watch Full Metal Jacket 24 hours a day!

Packie Fuck you! It's good movie!

Niko: (sarcastically) This is an emotional moment, I can feel the brotherly love in the air. Maybe we should just talk about the "job" though?

Packie: Sure smart ass... So, Derrick, you got the charge rigged up to your phone?

Derrick: Had a bit of trouble with that. Couldn't find a pager to rig the blasting cap to. Had to put the thing on a timer.

Packie: Alright, alright, we can roll with a timer. That's cool. Niko, when the door blows, I want you and Michael to go down into the vault to the cash. Grab as much as you can carry.

Niko: Okay.

Michael Don't need to tell me twice, Packie. I'm ready to go. Pumped, is what I am.

Packie Thanks, Michael. Knew I could count on the dumbest member of the group to throw himself into proceedings the most willingly.

Michael: I was just saying how I'd do what you said, Packie. No need to get abusive.

Packie: There was no need for a brother and sister to get married, but your parents did that and now you're here.

Michael: (angrily) Don't bring my parents into this Packie!

Packie: But it's fuckin true! Why did a brother and sister have to get married and leave us with YOU!

Derrick: I can think of one reason they needed to get married. They was so ugly

that no one else would have 'em.

Packie: (sarcastically) Nothing like a sibling's love, eh Derrick?

Derrick Nothing like it. Nothing could make me love Francis, though.

Packie Fucking Frankie, he'd be pissed if he could see us now.

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Packie: Hands up people! I got your names! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn from the books! And you best unfuck yourselves, or I will unscrew your heads, and shit down your necks!

Derrek: Don't none of you worry about nothing, we're here for the banks money, it's going to a better caus-

Packie: Shut up! And handle the safe!

* * *

LATER AGAIN:

Derrek: The PE4 has been set, and ready to go off, in... sixty seconds... Now lesson people, were your friends. Me and my brother here-

Packie: Why are you telling them were brothers you idiot! That's gonna make hard for them to find us isn't!

Derrek: I'm trying to be honest with these people, we put them though a lot today..

Packie: Well ... no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. You little scumbag!

Derrek: She's my sister too Packie!

Packie: Are you a peter-puffer?

Derrek: (confused) What!?

Packie: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!

Derrek: You really need to stop watching _Full Medal Jacket_ so much!

Packie: Oh yeah we-

Eugene Reaper: MOTHERFUCKAAAAA! (shoots and kills an wrong placed, wrong timed, Michael Keane).

Packie: NOOOOOO!

Packie: (shoots and kills Eugene Reaper out of full out rage) WE TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH US!

Michael: (dies of his injury).

Packie: Shit! Michael! SAINT FUCKIN MICHAEL!

(suddenly the C4 went off, blowing open the safe).

Packie: Shit!. (to Niko) Get the money!.. Me and my brother will watch the kids!

* * *

Niko: (after getting the money comes back upstairs).

Packie: (to Lois, after having finished the comedic speech) Your lucky I'm not making you pay for Michael's funeral!

Niko: I got all the money I could.. But theirs still some in their.

Packie: We won't have time to get the rest. Lets move out boys!


	21. BEST OF DASH

**Decided to do a quick BEST OF RAINBOW DASH, before continuing..Sense she's becoming a bit of a breakout character..**

* * *

SCENE 1:

Packie: Probably a bit.. But what do I care. I often get paid the MOST in his stories.

Niko: Just as long as there's no pony references like the last one.

Packie: Of coarse not.. Come on Dash!

Rainbow Dash: (runs over) Coming!

Niko: (faceslap) Grrr!

* * *

SCENE 2:

Packie: [to Niko] We got an opportunity, my boy.

Michael Yep. Fortune favors the brave.

Dash: (tying red bandana on her head) Gotta make hay while the sun shines.

* * *

SCENE 3:

Dash: Oh god. Not THIS crap again... I heard this speech a million times. "The McReary's ran the city. People was scared to say their name let alone come near their place in Purgatory. Life was great. We were in charge".

Packie: It's fucking true!. I'd like to hear you tell Gerald that it's a boring story. Me brother wouldn't take too kindly to that now would he, little lady?... (to Niko) You know that Purgatory is called what it is because people were so scared of the McRearys. Did you know that, Niko?

Dash: (sarcastically) It's called that because people found the McRearys' stories so fuckin' boring. Listening to them was like being in Purgatory.

Packie: Fuck you, girl, I'll fucking come back there and kick your fucking ass in a minute.

Niko: (changing the topic) I hear that Francis McReary is your brother?

Packie: Fucking Frankie, my brother... He may have a badge, but I tell you for a fact he's as crooked as the rest of us McRearys. More so. At least we ain't fucking hypocrites. Kate's the only decent one.

Niko: I can believe that.

Packie: You know Frankie do ya? I got a story for you if you do.

Dash: ANOTHER fuckin story!?

Packie: SHUT UP DASH!

* * *

SCENE 4:

Dash: There you are Nicky... I'll take it from here (grabs the unconscious Gracy).

Niko: The bitch better be worth the trouble.

Dash: Don't worry.. Apparently her dad is LOADED.. And she's our leverage towards his money.

Niko: Well he better pay quick. I hate to think of the fight she'll put up if you try to cut her fingers off.

Dash: Yeah.. Me either.. Later Niko.

* * *

SCENE 5:

Dash: (sitting on couch, drinking a whiskey) and with Pinkie dead from the events with Trevor.. And my friends too sad to even meet up with me, I became kinda lonely... And I ended up meeting Packie who became my NEW friend, and I now work for him.

Gracey: (gagged) I DON'T FUCKIN CARE!

Dash: Your such a great listener aren't you... thank you for listening.

Grace: (gagged) I'LL RIP YOUR WINGS OFF!

Dash: Shhh, I'm trying to watch tv..

(short pause)

Niko: (enters the building)

Dash: (sees Niko) Where you been? I've been stuck here for hours!.. The tv doesn't even work anymore.

Niko: Sorry, your shift ain't over Dashie. I'm just here for some holiday pics.

Niko: (taking picture) Smile for your daddy, Grace.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck you.

Niko: (leaves)

Dash: (sarcastically) Enjoy your freedom!

* * *

SCENE 6:

Dash: Yo, she can't talk we got a gag in her mouth.

Packie: (holding Gracey) Yeah. what she he said.

Tony: Let her go you animals!

* * *

SCENE 7:

Packie: Look, I don't care what you did to him, but we AIN'T leaving without those diamonds.

Dash: Yeah. What he said.


	22. Chapter 22

Derrick: (now holding a Assault rifle/AK47 instead of his earlier pistol, while Niko holds a carbine rifle, as he was using earlier) Shit! Their everywhere!

Packie: (holding AK47 as well _)._ Then we're fight our way though this! Move out boys!

* * *

Packie and Derrick dramatically burst out of the bank, firing at the cops.

* * *

 _The scream moments from **KORN - GET THIS PARTY STARTED** fill the background)._

* * *

Packie: (annoyed) Niko! Turn off the music! I can't concentrate.

Niko: (holding a CD player that's playing the Korn song), But it's setting the mood!

Packie: Maybe.. But I still can't concentrate.. Besides.. Your suppose to be covering us!

Niko: (annoyed) Fiiiine... (throws away the speakers and begins gunning down cops with his Carbine rifle).

Packie: (also manages to kill a good amount of them)

Derrick: (only kills two, but doesn't care too much).

Packie: The cash is ours now bitches!

Niko: Yeah! Go back home to your kids!.. You don't need to die for this money!

* * *

The three-o shot their way though the streets.

Derrick: Shit, they sent a chopper after us. There ain't no getting away. We're done!

Packie: Control yourself, Derrick. I got a plan.

Niko: (shooting at the helicopter) Let's bring this fucker down! Empty everything we got into him!

Packie: We ain't doing "that" neither. Follow me. We'll lose them in the subway. (leads them to the tunnels).

* * *

The three-o were fighting off coppers from inside the tunnels.

Niko: I ain't going to jail in this country! (throws grenade killing a good many of them at once).

They continued heavily fighting, eventually a subway train drove by, and the three took the opportunity to mark their escape as they run further into the tunnels, were the cops couldn't reach them.

Packie: You coulda mixed the explosive better couldn't ya, Derrick!

Derrick: And you coulda been more careful of your boy Michael. He should be with us right now.

Niko: Michael was unlucky. It wasn't anybody's fault what happened to him and the explosive did its job. Both of you shut the fuck up!

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE 4**


	23. Chapter 23

**EPISODE 5: (one shot).**

* * *

An chinesse man is seen getting various bullets all over every inch of his his body, and falling dead.

Johnny: (holding his M16) That's the last of them.

Jim: Good beac-... Hey look, Billy is getting arrested.

Johnny: Oh cool!... (laughs) look at his face. (they both laugh).

Billy: (off view) JOHNNY!

Johnny: (waves) Hey Billy.

Billy: (being arrested) JOHNNY! YOU SET ME UP! YOU JEWISH FUCKIN... JEW!...

Billy (off view) YOUR FUCKIN DEAD!

Johnny: (stupidly) Aww, he remembers me.

* * *

Johnny: Man.. You will not BELIEVE what happened just now.

Jim: Yeah.. We had to gun our way though a bunch of chinese gunmen.

Johnny: It was AWESOME!.

Brain: Only one problem

Johnny: Shut up Brai-

Brain: NO YOU SHUT UP!.. You two want us to end up all dead? Man, Billy was right about you. I knew you were a rat, now he's gone, man.

Johnny: What are you talking about?

Brain: You set him up!

Johnny: And why would I do that..

Brain: To be in charge.

Johnny: Your crazy man.. You should get that head looked at.

Brian: You set us up. You've always wanted to be the one - the man. You're a gimp, Johnny. A gimp and a fucking Judas. \

Johnny: What the fuck are you talking about, you ass kissing little weasel!?

Jim: Hey, Brian, Johnny's not like that, man.

Brian: Jim, you're wrong, man... I know you're a good guy, but this Jew prick, he fucked us over, man. He set us up and he called the cops. And you know why? Because they're putting heat on him. They saw him and they've been calling him... I know, because they did the same to me, and they told me you ratted us out.

Johnny: You keep talking like that and you are dead, my little friend.

Biker: Fuck you.

Johnny: What?

Brian: You sent Billy to jail. Show us your phone, prove you ain't been speaking to the law. Johnny:

I don't prove shit to you! nd I didn't talk to no one. Fuck it... C'mon.

Brain: (angry) You stay away from us, you hear?

[Johnny and Jim run around the corner.]

Johnny: Okay, Jim. I guess I got to take over as Chapter President now. When people hear about Billy going down, there's gonna be more pressure on us than ever. We got to get through it. Brothers for life, man, Lost forever. I'll see you soon.

* * *

 **END OF SEASON 1**


	24. SEASON 2

**SEASON 2 EPISODE 1:**

* * *

Brian :Here comes Tweedle Dum and Tweedle fucking Dumber. Billy was always good to you and you ratted him out.

Johnny: Shut up Brain! Billy is a one-way SOB, and he don't give a shit about the brothers.

Brian No, nuh-uh.

Johnny: You think Billy'd stick his neck out for you? You're dumber than I thought.

Brian: "You're dumber than I thought, you're dumber than I thought." I knew you'd say, just knew you'd say that. You're so predictable..

Jim: Fuck billy!

Brian: (gasps) Hey! You take that fuckin bac-

Johnny: I said.. FUCK BILLY!

Brian: (screaming) BILLY IS THE PRISDIENT! YOU WILL SUCK BILLY'S DICK IF ASKS YOU TOO!... YOU WILL SUCK HIS FUCKIN DICK!... I AM HIGH ON COCAINE!

Johnny: (screaming) I DO MORE COCAINE THAN YOU WEIGH MOTHER FUCKER!

Brian: FUCK YOU JOHNNY YOU JEWISH FUCK! I HATE YOU!

Johnny: I HATE RIGHT BACK!

Brian: FUCK YOU ALL!... (shoots at Johnny who jumps into cover) PUT THESE ASSHOLES TOO THE GROUND BROTHERS!

* * *

LATER THAT SAME EVENING:

Jim: (behind cover) Feels weird fighting our X brothers.

Johnny: (loading his M16) Just stick together.. (shoots one of them dead and watches him fall before returning to cover).

* * *

Clay: (throws grenade, killing most of them), what happened to Brian!?

Johnny: (shooting at off view target) He ran off as soon as the fighting started!.. Typical move for that little scumbag!

* * *

LATER AGAIN:

Jim: (shoots dead the last member with shotgun) Clear!

Johnny: Great.. Let's think of our next plan.. Now that we finally get some peace and quite.

* * *

MEANWHILE:

Niko: Hey Packie, want to get drunk?

Packie: Shit Niko, I'm still fucked up from LAST time. No way.

* * *

Niko and Packie stumble out of a bar.

Packie: (drunk) Niko, man, Niko, I just want to say, I just want to say...

Niko: (not saying anything)

Packie: (drunk) Don't interrupt me!... Just shut up and listen!

Niko: (drunk) What?

Packie DON'T INTERRUPT ME KATE!... You're sick, you're all fucking sick, every last one of you!

Niko: (drunk) Fuck you! I'm drunk but your a dick!

Packie: (drunk) Fuck you. I'm not drunk. I'm sober as a lord.

Niko: (drunk) Shut up, your drunk.

Packie: (drunk) Fuck you! I don't need this... I'm going back to Ireland!... (starts singing Danny Boy).

Niko: (gets knocked over by car and groans in pain).

Packie: (unconcerned) Hey Niko! What the hell! Your ruining my song!... (keeps singing, and not even helping Niko up).


	25. Chapter 25

Johnny: (bursts into Brian's apartment) Heeeere's JOHNNY!

* * *

 _STARTS PLAYING RB ZOMBIE - SCUM OF THE EARTH_

* * *

Johnny: (uses pistol begins dramatically shooting his way though his X brothers).

* * *

Johnny: (shoots a bunch of them).

Gunmen: (shoots at Johnny).

Johnny: (dodges and tackles the gunmen, and stabs him in the face with a knife).

* * *

Johnny: Brian! Come out and pla~ay!.. (shoots his way up the stairs).

* * *

 _Eventually both the song and battle both end._

* * *

Johnny: (shoots Brians last body guard and than corners Brian). Now your mine Jeremy!

Brian: Please Johnny, I'm bagging yo-

Johnny: (points a pistol at Brian's head) SHUT UP BRIAN! For once in your life do NOT be a pussy!... (ready to pull the trigger) YOU GOTTA TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

Brian: (sighs). Fine.. But before I die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you...

Johnny: ... (lowers the gun) Fine, what is it?

Brian: ... (sighs) I did not care for The Godfather.

Johnny: ... What!?

Brian: Did not care for The Godfather.

Johnny: But it's so good!, It's like the perfect movie!

Brian: Everyone keeps saying that. But I just don't like it, okay.

Johnny: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it!?

Billy: ... It insists upon itself.

Johnny: (getting angry) That's because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!

Brian: Oh Please... It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending..

Johnny: (angrily) But how can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance!?

Billy: I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs or whatever..

Johnny: Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.

Brian: I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different language... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.

Johnny: (angrily) They're speaking Italian! The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you will NEVER understand because your an idiot!.

Brian: I love The Money Pit... That is my answer to that statement.

(long pause).

Johnny: (shoots Brian dead) Shut up Brian!

* * *

LATER:

Ashley: You're here. You're here. Oh man, Johnny!

Johnny: What's the matter, sugar?

Ashley: Oh, Johnny, I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.

Johnny: What'd you do?

Ashley I messed up, baby. Promise you won't be mad?

Johnny: Why, what'd you do?

Ashley I'm an addict. I need help.

Johnny: (loses patience) What the fuck did you do!?

Unnamed Russian: You must be Johnny.

Johnny: Who are you?

Unnamed Russian: My name is not important.

Johnny: What is this?

Unnamed Russian: Your woman here owes Dimitri Rascalov a lot of money.

Johnny: Okay.

Unnamed Russian: We need you to do us favor.

Johnny: What?

Unnamed Russian: We need you to kidnap someone for us.

Johnny: Well, I'm not in the kidnapping business, dude.

Unnamed Russian: And I'm not in the dude business, dude... You either do it, or junkie gets killed. Not difficult decision, even for a man stuck in 1960s time warp... Besides., It's easy. You grab him and deliver him to warehouse off Lompoc in Bohan Industrial.

Johnny: And this'll pay off her debts?

Unnamed Russian: Well... it pays off interest.

Johnny: Wonderful.

Unnamed Russian: The name of the man we want is Roman Bellic.

Johnny: Yeah?

Unnamed Russian: He runs a cab business, but hangs around some backroom gambling place on Dillon Street in Schottler.

Johnny: I got it.

Unnamed Russian: You find him, you take him... Now, run along.

Johnny: ... Ashley, you gotta stop fucking things up... Fuck!

* * *

Johnny: (calls Malc) Dude, you busy? I got something and I don't need it getting round the clubhouse. I'll owe you, brother.

Malc: What you need, Johnny?

Johnny: I need to snatch some guy, name of- uhh, Roman Bellic. Runs a cab firm, in debt to some Russians. You down? I'll pay. Malc Uhh, a'ight. I'm up on Y in Northwood. See you in a minute.


	26. Chapter 26

Johnny: All you Europeans got the same fuckin' accent.

Roman: (gagged) Please, please. I'll pay you anything.

Johnny: I think he's trying to say something, Malc.

Roman: (gagged) I can get money, I promise.

Malc: I don't know, I ain't hearing shit.

Roman: (gagged) Okay, okay. My cousin, he has money. He will pay you.

Malc: Oh, I get it. I think the man's trying to give us some (points gun) money. We let him go and he'll come back with a bag full of unmarked twenties, right?

Roman: (gagged) Yes, yes. Exactly, exactly.

Johnny: You mean, he's like, trying to bribe us?

Roman: (gagged) Yes!

Johnny: I hope he knows that you and me are men of integrity, Malc, and that we'd find something like that real insulting.

Malc: Did you mean to insult us, Mr. Roman Bellic? I sure hope not.

Roman: (gagged and crying) Help! Help! Help me! Help me!

Johnny: Malc, tell this gentleman what my kind of people who try to buy their way out.

Malc: Just so you know who you dealing with, Mr. Bellic, this is one screwed up dumb redneck motherfucker.

Roman: (gagged) Oh Lord. Please help me!

Malc: Hey now, listen. I do mean motherfucker in the most literal sense. Serious incest motherfucker. Fucking you up the ass with a barbed wire dick would be a pleasure for this man.

Roman: (gagged) Lord, I am sorry for all the women I have chased, the money I have wasted, the internet porn.

Malc: Yeah, this biker dude is twisted as all hell, man. By the way, how many guys you killed, son?

Johnny: You mean, like, this year, or in my whole career?

Malc: Naw, just THIS year, man. We ain't got time for all that shit.

Johnny: It's been a good year, you know?

Roman: (gagged) Oh Lord, I apologize for sleeping with those twins.

Johnny: You should apologize for that smell. You shat yourself or something?

Malc: God damn.

Roman: (gagged) Lord, I am sorry for shitting myself, and for laughing at Brucie's balls (sobs).

* * *

Johnny: Somebody looking for a fat Slav with a bladder problem?

Unnamed Russian: So... this is Roman Bellic? Not such a tough guy, eh? What is all this fuss about his cousin?

Johnny: Listen, buddy. Ashley is square with you now. So do me a favor, go easy on the fat man. I've seen some of the bodies you people drop in the Humboldt.

Malc: Easy, Johnny. You saw the shit stains in the back seat. He's scared enough.

Unnamed Russian: What happens to this shithead is none of your concern... (to Roman) You, come with me. [walking off with Roman].

Malc: Shit, Johnny. Yo, I gotta bounce. Be easy, man.

Johnny: (looks back and feels pity for Roman, but stays outta it).

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Niko: (walks past Johnny, on his way to save Roman) Hey Johnny.

Johnny: (dialing phone) Hey Niko.

Niko: (goes into the warehouse, and pulls out gun).

Johnny: Those Russians have that poor bastard. and YOU got lucky, but you got to cont- (violent gun battle is heard inside the warehouse). Hang on.. (goes somewhere more quite)... You gotta control yourself Ash.. The ice got you into this mess.

Ashley: I know I am, Johnny. And you know what's the best thing about me? You. Call me, okay?

* * *

 **END OF EPISODE**


	27. EPSODE 2 Season 2

**EPISODE 3:**

* * *

Dash: (shoots a guy in the head) Haha!.. Enjoy the red rain!.. (grabs wallet from the guy's corpse).

* * *

SOON AFTER:

Dash: (outside Packie's front door) Hey Packie! I got your wallet from the thief.. (a bit sarcastically) Want me to just leave it on the front step or what!?

Packie: (voice) Hang on, hang on, I'm coming... (opens door), Thanks again. (takes it from her) He give it up easy.

Dash: Well.. After I shot him in the eye he did.

Packie: ... I never said to kill hi-

Dash: Yeah. Well... He was a trust fund prick, and now he's enjoying the red rain.

Packie: ... You know, you should meet Carly Jade.

Dash: I did... But we nothing in common.

Packie: (sarcastically) Really? "nothing" in common?

Dash: (wearing a similar shirt to Carly) Yeah, nothing at all.

Packie: Whatever... There's something I need you to do.

Dash: For the last time.. I am not gonna date you.

Packie: Yes, yes.. You made that PERFECTLY clear in that public resturant... But seriously though, I need you to kidnap someone.

Dash: ... Kidnap?

Packie: Yes.. This is straight from Gerry, I'd do it me-self , but me ma needs me wait now..

Dash: (sighs) fine.

Packie: That a girl... You need to kidnap old man Ancelotti's daughter... Some fake tanned, dyed haired, guido loving slut by the name of Gracie or something like that... She's selling her tasteful pink Feltzer on Autoeroticar at the moment. Get online, organize a viewing and snatch that bitch. When you got her, bring her to a place we got on an alleyway off Sacramento.

Dash: I can do that.

Packie: You can do "anything" Rainbow, your one of the toughest girls I know... But don't let her on that you're kidnapping her near her place though. Play along with a test drive for a while to get her out of there. It's a real mobbed up area and they'll come down on you damn heavy.

Dash: Alright... But I may need some assistance in this one.. I'm pretty tiny.

Packie: Fair point... I'll make a call. (goes inside).


	28. Arthur Note

**Thought you guys should know..**

 **By this point Dash isn't even the pony anymore.. It'll be more interesting making her a character of her OWN.**

 **A lot of people like her as a GTA character, instead of the MLP reference character..**

 **Anyway.**

 **Will she ever be used AGAIN!?**

 **Well... We're see what happens.**


	29. Chapter 29

Gracie: You the ones interested in the car.

Dash: (with Niko for her backup) That's us... Mind if we take it for test drive.

Gracie: Can the sexy European guy come?

Niko: (chuckles) Of coarse.

Gracie: You guys dating?

Dash and Niko: No.

Gracie: So he's single!?

Niko: ... Let's just see how it goes with the car.

* * *

AFTER SAFELY LEAVING WHERE THE ITALIAN MOB CAN SEE THEM:

Niko: (whispers from backseat) Now's the time.

Dash: (in drivers seat) Right.. (turns the car to Packie's safe house).

Gracie: (in front passenger seat) Umm... Enjoying the car ma'am?.

Dash: (suddenly serious) Yes.. But we're not here for the CAR.

Gracie: Ohh... Here for me huh?

Dash: Yes.. But in the way think.

Gracie: What you mean?

Niko: (suddenly serious) She means this is a kidnapping!.. Your being kidnapped Gracie Ancelotti

Dash: Yeah.. And we don't wanna hurt you, so remain fuckin calm!

Gracie: (panics) Fuck you slut!... FUCK BOTH OF YOU!

Dash: (sarcatically) That's not calm.

Gracie: Shut up!.. (grabs her cell phone) I'm calling daddy.. He'll throw your tit-less ass in jai-

Dash: (grabs her phone) No he WON'T (throws the phone out of the speeding car, breaking it)... Now shit down and shut u-

Gracie: (punches Dash and continues to attack her).

Niko: HEY!... (points pistol at Gracie's head).. Let her go before I pull the trigger and make you REALLY fuckin calm.

Dash: (has bloody nose) She broke my nose.

Gracie: Good!

Niko: SHUT UP!... Just sit there and SHUT UP!

Gracie: FUCK YOU!... You're fucking with the wrong girl, assholse. I'm Gracie Ancelotti and I-

Dash: (angrily punches in the face, knocking her out cold) SHUT UP!.. GOD!

Niko: (sighs) Peace at last... How far is the rest of the ride.

Dash: Not long. Don't worry... But keep an eye on her.

Niko: (dose so).

* * *

AT THE SAFEHOUSE:

Dash and Niko both get out the car as a unnamed man hid the car.

Dash: Thanks again Nicky... I'll take it from here (grabs the unconscious Gracy).

Niko: The bitch better be worth all our trouble.

Dash: Don't worry.. Apparently her dad is LOADED.. And she's our leverage towards his money.

Niko: Well he better pay quick. I hate to think of the fight she'll put up if you try to cut her fingers off.

Dash: Yeah.. Me either.. Later Niko.

* * *

Niko: (calls Packie) We got that bitch.. And MAN was she annoying.

Packie: Thanks, Niko. My brother will be a happy man. I'll get things in motion. Be in touch..


	30. Chapter 30

**Since Dash is no longer RAINBOW DASH... I decided her new name is, Dash Lucia... And she has dark brown hair, but still has RD's rosy eyes... You can keep her as Rainbow Dash if you prefer for this story.. But Dash Lucia is her** **identity in every OTHER story...**

* * *

Dash: (sitting on couch, drinking a whiskey) after the death of my sister, I became kinda lonely. And shortly after moving here I ended up meeting Packie who befriended me, and I now work for him and his family..

Gracey: (gagged) I DON'T FUCKIN CARE!

Dash: (mockingly) Your such a great listener aren't you... thank you for listening.

Grace: (gagged) I'LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF!

Dash: Shhh, I'm trying to watch tv..

(short pause)

Niko: (enters the building)

Dash: (sees Niko) Where you been? I've been stuck here for hours!.. The tv doesn't even work anymore.

Niko: Sorry, your shift ain't over Mrs Lucia.

Dash: How'd you find out my last name!?

Niko: Kate told me... Anyway.. I'm just here for some "holiday pics".

Niko: (taking picture) Smile for your daddy, Grace.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck you.

Niko: (leaves)

Dash: (sarcastically) Enjoy your freedom!

* * *

Packie: (from phone) Nice one, Niko. Old man Ancelotti won't believe his girl's holed up with a guy no more.

Niko: Not unless that guy is into some sick shit. Later on, Packie.


	31. Chapter 31

Niko: Packie, my man. How are you and Gracie getting on?

Packie: Like a house on fire, ain't that right, Gracie?

Gracie: (gagged) You fucking bastards.

Packie: See, she was just telling me how much she loved me. What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?

Gracie: (gagged) I fucking hate the both of you.

Packie: Gracie, watch your mouth. Niko is a good friend of mine. Don't say that about him.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Packie: Gracie, you're sweet. I know I'm too good for him, but sometimes a guy has got to hang out with lowlifes like Niko here. He's got his his uses.

Gracie: (gagged) I'll give you some fucking uses!

Packie: That's right, he is "definitely" a bad influence on me.

Gracie: (gagged) Motherfucker!.

Niko: Maybe Gracie ain't so different. You normally just shove so much coke up a girl's nose that she may as well be tied up.

Packie: You're in a mood, ain't ya Niko? Is it finally beginning to sink in that my sister's chastity belt don't come off?

Niko: Fuck you.

Packie : Fuck you.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck the both of you.

* * *

Tony: (imitating the dad) Gracie, you alright?

Gracie: (gagged) DADDY!?

Tony: The bastards didn't hurt you, did they?

Dash Lucia: Yo, she can't talk, We got a gag in her mouth.

Packie: (holding Gracie) yeah, what she said

Tony: Give her back, you animals! She's suffered enough!

Packie: ...Hand over the stuff.

Tony: Hand over Gracie!... I'm here for you, sweetie.

Packie: (angry) JUST HAND OVER THE FUCKIN STUFF!

Dash and Niko: Alright, calm down. Both of you.

Luis: Hey ... We put the ice in the middle, we walk back. Then. You send over the girl... We leave and you pick up the stuff. Entiende?

Niko: Sure, show us the goods.

[Gay Tony walks halfway forward, sets the diamonds down, and steps back.]

Tony: Come back to me, honey.

Niko: (calmly to Packie) Let her go.

[Gracie walks slowly over to Tony and Luis and they leave quitely.]

[Bulgarin drives in, parks up.]

Bulgar: Niko Bellic, how is it that whenever something is stolen from me you are not far away?

Niko: ... I have never stolen anything from you, Mr. Bulgarin.

Bulgar: These men, the big faggot and his Dominican bitch, they stole my diamonds. And you have been trying to rob the thieves. To rob me. [translated] KILL THEM ALL!

Dash: (walks up) Look, we're tired.. Can't we just go ho-

(Bulgaria's men begin open firing, nearly hitting Dash with one of the bullets.

Packie: DASH! (runs over and pulls them both into cover behind the car, Niko soon follows).

Dash: (quotes John Marston) Damn.. That one nearly gave me a haircut (giggles).

Packie: No kidding (gives her pistol) ... (to Niko) And I don't care what you did to that man, but we AIN'T leaving here without them diamonds!

Dash: Yeah... What he said (tries to chuckle again).


	32. Chapter 32

Packie, Niko and Dash began gunning down Russians as they fought their way up the cat walk.

Packie: (holding AK47) Okay.. The guy with the diamonds has got to be around here somewhere..

Dash: (guns down russian with her pistol) He's right, let's keep looking.

* * *

Packie: SHIT! MORE CARS ARE COMING!

Niko: I got it! (takes out rocket launcher, destroying the cars).

* * *

20 MINUTES LATER:

Packie: Give us that fucking ice, you're trapped!

Dash: We'll let you go if you give 'em up.

Guy: I'm screwed either way. If I don't give you the diamonds, you kill me here and you take 'em. I do give you diamonds, Mr. Bulgarin kills me later. [tosses the diamonds down onto a moving garbage truck] Don't nobody having them. Screw all of you!

Niko [translated] Fucked up, as usual.

Packie You selfish piece of cocksucking shit!

* * *

ON THE CAR RIDE HOME:

Packie FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!. All that trouble for nothing. Kidnapping the bitch, holding onto her, fighting through them damn Russians... all of that for jack shit.

Niko: Look on the bright side, (jokingly) at least you got to meet Gracie.

Dash: Screw that. I got close to knocking her teeth out. That was about it.

Packie: Yeah.. We ain't got shit now... Maybe we was going to have to give up them diamonds to fucking Ray Boccino but we woulda got a payday. Now we ain't getting SHIT!

Niko: Yeah, but there is no guarantee we woulda made any money out of those diamonds anyway. I've got a suspicion those were the ones Ray Boccino got me to handle a while back. They're bad luck. Me and some biker had to try to sell them to a diamond dealer and it turns into a blood bath... That was when those friends of Gracie's must have gotten them.

Packie: Stolen them from you, did they?

Niko: No, they stole them from the guys I sold them to... Shit, these diamonds have been trouble since Ray first made me take them out of a trash can for him. Is good they are on their way to a landfill somewhere. Best place for them. The population of Liberty City would have been higher if we had.

Dash: You might be right, Nicky. Whose fucking diamonds were they anyway!?

Niko: They were not Ray's, I can tell you this much. Maybe they belong to this homosexual man, Gracie's friend. I don't know. Maybe to Bulgarin.

Packie: Bulgarin, he the motherfucker who busted up our peaceful hostage exchange!? What in Christ's name went on back there anyways?

Niko: Some time ago, I worked for Mr. Bulgarin in Europe, smuggling people across the Adriatic. A ship sunk, the cargo sunk to the bottom of the sea, I had to swim for my life. Bulgarin lost a lot of money that night and he needed someone to blame. This was one of the reasons I leave Europe and come back here to Liberty City.

Dash: And now he shows up claiming the ice belongs to him?

Packie: What are the chances?

Niko: Our paths crossed back when I was living in Hove Beach as well. My cousin and I moved up to Bohan to get away from him and another man called Dimitri Rascalov.

Packie: That's a real shame, I can see you fitting right down in Hove Beach... Probably a good thing you got out though. Wouldn't a met me if you'd stayed, would ya?

Niko: When you put it like this, I'm one lucky motherfucker, Packie.

* * *

 **Sorry everyone.**

 **This is where I end things.**

 **Turns out the series was way more about Packie McReary and his accomplish Dash Lucia, than it was about Niko.**

 **And sense I both. Ran out of his scenes, sense this is the last mission he appears in, and have ANOTHER story centered on our boy Packie. I decided there's not much point in continuing with this.**

 **I know what your gonna say.. " _Connor_ _, give us more Johnny!.. This can be an excuse for that_ ".. And I agree,. But even there.. I have no ideas left, he's harder to spoof than Packie is.**

 **So...**

 **THE END**


	33. Chapter 33

**I had a change of heart, I DO have a few ideas left for this series..**

* * *

Johnny: What's this about Ray?

Ray: Nothing., Were friends aren't we.

Johnny: Really.. I thought you hated my guts after that musiem stunt.

Ray: Noo, no Johnny, I don't hate your fuckin guts.

Bodyguard: Than what the hell are we doing!? I thought we were gonna ki-

Ray: SOOO!? JOHNNY!? DO YOU LIKE LOUD SENTENCES!?

Johnny: Sometimes I guess.

Ray: Great.. Say, can you do me a favour? Do you see that painting behind you?

Johnny? (looks behind him) What about i- (Ray suddenly knocks him unconscious).


	34. Chapter 34

**Obviously the series is more focused on JOHNNY now..**

* * *

Ray: (slaps Johnny).

Johnny: (wakes up from being knocked out) What the fuck!?

Ray: (in fake accent) You ripped me off, C!

Johnny: (in fake accent) No I didn't, C!

Ray: (in fake accent) I'm gonna make you pay, C! (hits him over the head with gun)

Johnny: That hurt!.. C!

Ray: I fucked Ashley, my friend, and now I'm going to fuck you. Where's my fucking stuff?

Johnny: Alright, alright... what you do, is you go down to the local pharmacy, ask for something called Viagra, and it will help you go FUCK YOURSELF!

Ray: Fuck you!... (to unnamed assistant) Burn Jim again!

[Jim cuts his hands loose, gets behind the man with the knife to his throat.]

Jim: Stand down!

Johnny: (a bit brain damaged from the hit) STAND DOWN CATS!

Ray: No!

Jim: I'll cut him!

Johnny: HE'LL CUT HIM!

Jim: (annoyedly to Johnny) Shut, the fuck, up!

Ray: Besides.. You don't have the guts!

Jim: ...

[Jim slits the man's throat and runs up the stairs with Johnny.] \

Ray: Aghh! (runs over to his friend).

Ray: (angrily to the bikers) I'll see you later!


	35. Best of Packie and Johnny

**Best of SPOOF Packie:**

 **Sense he's the largest breakout character I have for these spoofs:**

* * *

SCENE ONE:

Lizzy: [laughing] True! Hey Niko, this is Pa-.. Packie?

Packie: (comes out of bathroom) Ahh.. Always nice releasing the load.

(water pours out the bathroom door).

Lizzy: Damn it Patrick.. Why do you ALWAYS have to clog my toliet.

Packie: Whatever..

Lizzy: Uhhh... Anyway.. Packie is shopping. But I've never trusted the people he's buying off, and I can't, in good consciousness, help him... unless he's got some extra insurance - you.

Packie: And that's why you're the best, darling.

Lizzy: Ah. Maybe...

Packie Alright, tough guy, let's do this..

Niko: Sure...But why dose this writer ALWAYS use you.. Doesn't that make you a Marysue.

Packie: Probably a bit.. But what do I care. I often get paid the MOST in his stories.

* * *

SCENE 2:

Niko: Hey, Kate.

Packie: Get your fucking hands off my fucking sister, boy.

Dash: (only one to laugh).

Kate: (sarcastically) We're talking, not having casual sex, Patrick... I pray after the amount of practice you've had you'd know the difference.

Packie: Sure, I know the difference. One leaves you feeling sad and empty and alone... and the other's casual sex!

Dash: (again the only one to laugh).

Packie: See. Dash gets me!

Kate: Whatever... I am quite sure you and mister Niko here will have fun on your 'play date'.

Ma: [from another room] Kate!

Kate: Coming, Ma... you boys place nice, now...

Packie:: (sarcastically) For sure.

Ma: Kate!

Kate: Okay! [Kate leaves.]

Packie: Oh, we're gonna play "real" nice... [pulls out rifles] They're clean as a fuckin' whistle... One previous owner... safely driven... ready for action.

* * *

SCENE 3:

Dash: (sarcastically) It's called that because people found the McRearys' stories so fuckin' boring. Listening to them was like being in Purgatory.

Packie: Fuck you, girl, I'll fucking come back there and kick your fucking ass in a minute.

* * *

SCENE 4:

Enamy: INTRUDERS!

(they all open fire on Packie's group).

Michael: RETURN FIRE! (they shoot and kill a fair amount of enamies).

Packie: (fast talking) I'LL-FUCKIN-KILL-YOU-MOTHERFUCKIN-(not even real words anymore).. (shoots several of them dead).

* * *

SCENE 5:

Derrick: Patrick, you was such a sweet little boy when I left this city... Now all you do is watch Full Metal Jacket 24 hours a day!

Packie: Fuck you! It's good movie!

* * *

SCENE 6:

Michael Don't need to tell me twice, Packie. I'm ready to go. Pumped, is what I am.

Packie Thanks, Michael. Knew I could count on the dumbest member of the group to throw himself into proceedings the most willingly.

Michael: I was just saying how I'd do what you said, Packie. No need to get abusive.

Packie: There was no need for a brother and sister to get married, but your parents did that and now you're here.

Michael: (angrily) Don't bring my parents into this Packie!

Packie: But it's fuckin true! Why did a brother and sister have to get married and leave us with YOU!

Derrick: I can think of one reason they needed to get married. They was so ugly that no one else would have 'em.

Packie: (sarcastically) Nothing like a sibling's love, eh Derrick?

Derrick Nothing like it. Nothing could make me love Francis, though.

Packie: Fucking Frankie, he'd be pissed if he could see us now.

* * *

SCENE 7:

Packie: Hands up people! I got your names! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn from the books! And you best unfuck yourselves, or I will unscrew your heads, and shit down your necks!

Derrek: Don't none of you worry about nothing, we're here for the banks money, it's going to a better caus-

Packie: Shut up! And handle the safe!

* * *

SCENE 8:

Derrek: The PE4 has been set, and ready to go off, in... sixty seconds... Now lesson people, were your friends. Me and my brother here-

Packie: Why are you telling them were brothers you idiot! That's gonna make hard for them to find us isn't!

Derrek: I'm trying to be honest with these people, we put them though a lot today..

Packie: Well ... no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. You little scumbag!

Derrek: She's my sister too Packie!

Packie: Are you a peter-puffer?

Derrek: (confused) What!?

Packie: I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I'll be watching you!

Derrek: You really need to stop watching _Full Medal Jacket_ so much!

Packie: Oh yeah we-

Eugene Reaper: MOTHERFUCKAAAAA! (shoots and kills an wrong placed, wrong timed, Michael Keane).

Packie: NOOOOOO!

Packie: (shoots and kills Eugene Reaper out of full out rage) WE TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH US!

* * *

SCENE 9:

Dash: Yeah. Well... He was a trust fund prick, and now he's enjoying the red rain.

Packie: ... You know, you should meet Carly Jade.

Dash: I did... But we nothing in common.

Packie: (sarcastically) Really? "nothing" in common?

Dash: (wearing a similar shirt to Carly) Yeah, nothing at all.

Packie: Whatever... There's something I need you to do.

Dash: For the last time.. I am not gonna date you.

Packie: Yes, yes.. You made that PERFECTLY clear in that public resturant.

* * *

SCENE 10:

Niko: Packie, my man. How are you and Gracie getting on?

Packie: Like a house on fire, ain't that right, Gracie?

Gracie: (gagged) You fucking bastards.

Packie: See, she was just telling me how much she loved me. What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?

Gracie: (gagged) I fucking hate the both of you.

Packie: Gracie, watch your mouth. Niko is a good friend of mine. Don't say that about him.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Packie: Gracie, you're sweet. I know I'm too good for him, but sometimes a guy has got to hang out with lowlifes like Niko here. He's got his his uses.

Gracie: (gagged) I'll give you some fucking uses!

Packie: That's right, he is "definitely" a bad influence on me.

Gracie: (gagged) Motherfucker!.

Niko: Maybe Gracie ain't so different. You normally just shove so much coke up a girl's nose that she may as well be tied up.

Packie: You're in a mood, ain't ya Niko? Is it finally beginning to sink in that my sister's chastity belt don't come off?

Niko: Fuck you.

Packie : Fuck you.

Gracie: (gagged) Fuck the both of you.

* * *

 **BEST OF JOHNNY (so far)**

* * *

SCENE 1:

Johnny: Okay Gionna.. Afried I can't go with you to the drug trade.. But Brian can go.

Brian: I'll take good care of h-

Johnny: (angrily) SHUT UP BRIAN!

Johnny: (calmly back to Gionna) Anyway.. Brian is a good guy. i promise he won't rob you and leave you for dead.

SOON AFTER:

Brian robbed her and left her for dead.

Johnny: My God, Why the hell didn't I see it coming? All right, stand aside. It's about time I did my brotherly duty! (chuckles) I said "duty," but no time to laugh about it now!

Johnny finds Brian at a bar.

Johnny: (angrily) HEY BRIAN!

Brian: (happy to see him) Hey Joh-

Johnny (leaps onto brian violently) And this is for laughing at all your own jokes during bike rides! (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) Who do you think you are? Ashley Butler!? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) You think because SHE dose it, it's okay for you? (punches Brian in the face repeatedly) YOU HAVEN'T EARNED WHAT SHE'S EARNED BUDDY! (drops Brian who crawls away).

Johnny: All right, now where's the guy who betrayed Gionna?

* * *

SCENE 2:

Billy: Did you? Funny thing.. I wasn't aware.

Johnny: I told you five minutes ag-

Billy: I wasn't aware!

* * *

SCENE 3:

Jim: Good beac-... Hey look, Billy is getting arrested.

Johnny: Oh cool!... (laughs) look at his face. (they both laugh).

Billy: (off view) JOHNNY!

Johnny: (waves) Hey Billy.

Billy: (being arrested) JOHNNY! YOU SET ME UP! YOU JEWISH FUCKIN... JEW!...

Billy (off view) YOUR FUCKIN DEAD!

Johnny: (stupidly) Aww, he remembers me.

* * *

SCENE 4:

Johnny: What are you talking about?

Brain: You set him up!

Johnny: And why would I do that..

Brain: To be in charge.

Johnny: Your crazy man.. You should get that head looked at.

* * *

SCENE 5:

Jim: Fuck billy!

Brian: (gasps) Hey! You take that fuckin bac-

Johnny: I said.. FUCK BILLY!

Brian: (screaming) BILLY IS THE PRISDIENT! YOU WILL SUCK BILLY'S DICK IF ASKS YOU TOO!... YOU WILL SUCK HIS FUCKIN DICK!... I AM HIGH ON COCAINE!

Johnny: (screaming) I DO MORE COCAINE THAN YOU WEIGH MOTHER FUCKER!

Brian: FUCK YOU JOHNNY YOU JEWISH FUCK! I HATE YOU!

Johnny: I HATE RIGHT BACK!

Brian: FUCK YOU ALL!... (shoots at Johnny who jumps into cover) PUT THESE ASSHOLES TOO THE GROUND BROTHERS!

* * *

SCENE 6:

Brian: Please Johnny, I'm bagging yo-

Johnny: (points a pistol at Brian's head) SHUT UP BRIAN! For once in your life do NOT be a pussy!... (ready to pull the trigger) YOU GOTTA TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!

Brian: (sighs). Fine.. But before I die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you...

Johnny: ... (lowers the gun) Fine, what is it?

Brian: ... (sighs) I did not care for The Godfather.

Johnny: ... What!?

Brian: Did not care for The Godfather.

Johnny: But it's so good!, It's like the perfect movie!

Brian: Everyone keeps saying that. But I just don't like it, okay.

Johnny: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it!?

Billy: ... It insists upon itself.

Johnny: (getting angry) That's because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!

Brian: Oh Please... It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending..

Johnny: (angrily) But how can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance!?

Billy: I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs or whatever..

Johnny: Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.

Brian: I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different language... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.

Johnny: (angrily) They're speaking Italian! The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you will NEVER understand because your an idiot!.

Brian: I love The Money Pit... That is my answer to that statement.

(long pause).

Johnny: (shoots Brian dead) Shut up Brian!

* * *

SCENE 7:

Niko: (walks past Johnny, on his way to save Roman) Hey Johnny.

Johnny: (dialing phone) Hey Niko.

Niko: (goes into the warehouse, and pulls out gun).

Johnny: Those Russians have that poor bastard. and YOU got lucky, but you got to cont- (violent gun battle is heard inside the warehouse). Hang on.. (goes somewhere more quite)... You gotta control yourself Ash.. The ice got you into this mess.

* * *

SCENE 8:

Ray: (in fake accent) You ripped me off, C!

Johnny: (in fake accent) No I didn't, C!

Ray: (in fake accent) I'm gonna make you pay, C! (hits him over the head with gun)

Johnny: That hurt!.. C!

Ray: I fucked Ashley, my friend, and now I'm going to fuck you. Where's my fucking stuff?

Johnny: Alright, alright... what you do, is you go down to the local pharmacy, ask for something called Viagra, and it will help you go FUCK YOURSELF!

* * *

SCENE 9: (future line):

Johnny: That wasn't my fault. l was powerless. l was plied with copious amounts of Red Bull, Jell-O shots … And Goldschlger… My doctor thought l had Crohn's disease… There were flakes of 24-karat gold in my stool for about a month… I CRAPPED GOLD!


	36. NEW best of Dash

**I'll redo Best of Dash.. Due to her new Identity..**

* * *

SCENE 1:

Dash: (tying red bandana on her head) Gotta make hay while the sun shines.

* * *

SCENE 2:

Packie: Course they are. Cosa Nostra and all that shit. Our family used to be bigger than all them Mafia families put together. Back in the day, that is.

Dash: Oh god. Not THIS crap again... I heard this speech a million times. "The McReary's ran the city. People was scared to say their name let alone come near their place in Purgatory. Life was great. We were in charge".

Packie: It's fucking true!. I'd like to hear you tell Gerald that it's a boring story. Me brother wouldn't take too kindly to that now would he, little lady?... (to Niko) You know that Purgatory is called what it is because people were so scared of the McRearys. Did you know that, Niko?

Dash: (sarcastically) It's called that because people found the McRearys' stories so fuckin' boring. Listening to them was like being in Purgatory.

Packie: Fuck you, girl, I'll fucking come back there and kick your fucking ass in a minute.

* * *

SCENE 3:

Packie: You know Frankie do ya? I got a story for you if you do.

Dash: ANOTHER fuckin story!?

Packie: SHUT UP DASH!

* * *

SCENE 4:

Dash: (outside Packie's front door) Hey Packie! I got your wallet from the thief.. (a bit sarcastically) Want me to just leave it on the front step or what!?

Packie: (voice) Hang on, hang on, I'm coming... (opens door), Thanks again. (takes it from her) He give it up easy.

Dash: Well.. After I shot him in the eye he did.

Packie: ... I never said to kill hi-

Dash: Yeah. Well... He was a trust fund prick, and now he's enjoying the red rain.

Packie: ... You know, you should meet Carly Jade.

Dash: I did... But we nothing in common.

Packie: (sarcastically) Really? "nothing" in common?

Dash: (wearing a similar shirt to Carly) Yeah, nothing at all.

Packie: Whatever... There's something I need you to do.

Dash: For the last time.. I am not gonna date you.

Packie: Yes, yes.. You made that PERFECTLY clear in that public resturant... But seriously though, I need you to kidnap someone.

Dash: ... Kidnap?

Packie: Yes.. This is straight from Gerry, I'd do it me-self , but me ma needs me wait now..

Dash: (sighs) fine.

* * *

SCENE 5:

Dash: Yeah.. And we don't wanna hurt you, so remain fuckin calm!

Gracie: (panics) Fuck you slut!... FUCK BOTH OF YOU!

Dash: (sarcatically) That's not calm.

* * *

SCENE 6:

Niko: The bitch better be worth all our trouble.

Dash: Don't worry.. Apparently her dad is LOADED.. And she's our leverage towards his money.

Niko: Well he better pay quick. I hate to think of the fight she'll put up if you try to cut her fingers off.

Dash: Yeah.. Me either.. Later Niko.

* * *

SCENE 7:

Dash: (sitting on couch, drinking a whiskey) after the death of my sister, I became kinda lonely. And shortly after moving here I ended up meeting Packie who befriended me, and I now work for him and his family..

Gracey: (gagged) I DON'T FUCKIN CARE!

Dash: (mockingly) Your such a great listener aren't you... thank you for listening.

Grace: (gagged) I'LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF!

Dash: Shhh, I'm trying to watch tv..

* * *

SCENE 8:

Niko: Look on the bright side, (jokingly) at least you got to meet Gracie.

Dash: Screw that. I got close to knocking her teeth out. That was about it!


	37. Chapter 37

Ashley: Johnny.. I heard what happened.

Johnny: That wasn't my fault. l was powerless. l was plied with copious amounts of Red Bull, Jell-O shots … And Goldschlger… My doctor thought l had Crohn's disease… There were flakes of 24-karat gold in my stool for about a month… I CRAPPED GOLD!

Ashley: What are you talking about.

Johnny: ... What are _you_ talking about?

Ashley: He told me everything. Me and Ray ain't friends no more.

Johnny: Me and Ray neither, sugar.

Ashley: Johnny, I got some bad news. Jim... He ain't...

Johnny Oh no. Oh, man. Not Jim... Fuck this... (screams) FUCK!

Ashley: Okay, calm dow-

Johnny: (screaming) FUCK!... SHIT!... FUCK, SHIT!... FUCK!... FUCK, SHIT!... SHIT!... F SHIT!

 _(one hour later)._

Johnny: (still screaming) SHIT!... FUCK, SHIT!... FUCK!... FUCKIN SHIT!... FUCK!... SHIT!... FUUUCK!... Okay I'm done

Ashley: You still got _me_

Johnny: I don't got you. Crystal gone and got you, babe.

Ashley: Johnny, I'm gonna quit.

Johnny: Yeah, and I'm an idiot believing in your bullshit all this time.

Ashley: It ain't your fault. Johnny It's my fault I'm a fucking moron.

Ashley: I'm going to go to rehab, straighten myself out. Anyhow, he- he told me you wouldn't get hurt... I wouldn't have done it otherwise.

Johnny: Yeah, well why shouldn't I kill you?

Ashley: Why bother? I'd be better off dead. But Johnny, Ray ain't the problem.

Johnny: What are you talking about? Are you telling me that a backstabbing mob guy who wants to kill me ain't the problem?

Ashley: It's Billy. See, it's Billy. Ray... It turns out that Billy was trying to poison him against you, and now apparently Billy's going states... He's gonna- he's gonna blame you. I'm sorry.

Johnny: Well, what now?

Ashley: You gotta get someone to help you. Maybe that Congressman?

Johnny: Maybe. We'll see. Go on and get out of here.

Ashley: I love you, Johnny K.

Johnny: You're speaking a foreign language to me now, lady. Now get the fuck outta here.

* * *

MEANWHILE:

Ray: (gets shot in the face and dies)

Niko: (holding desert eagle) HA! I shot your face!.. Take that faceless!... Serves you right for thinking I'm not going to lie down for some frat boy bastard with his damn henley, smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpson episodes every night! Yes, we all love Mr. Plow. Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE!

 _(20 minutes later)_

Niko: ( _still talking_ ) That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning... the guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder. If he wants to throw hands, I'll throw hands! I tell you...


	38. Chapter 38

LATER:

* * *

Peg: Niko - good to see you.

Niko: And you. How are you?

Peg: Eh, eh. Fucking terrible. We've got legal problems, all kinds of crap. You know how things have gone.

Niko: I've heard some things.

Peg: You get close to your dream, then something holds you back. No! Well, Commission or no Commission, I ain't gonna starve. People don't want me around, they don't have to have me. But I know how to earn. I need a favor.

Niko; Here we go.

Peg: Fuck you - I looked out for you. And I'll pay good. Real good. But I need you to do something. I need you to collect that H, I got some Russians who have a buyer.

Niko: Russians?

Peg: Yeah... Dimitri Rascalov.

Niko: No. We've got history.

Peg: I know... but this is real. I need you.

Niko: Real? What the fuck is real? Real because it's you?

Peg: Real because it's my last chance.

Niko: Then good luck.

Peg: No. I need you to get that H. I need the money. I looked out for you, you know. People wanted to what you, I said no. Now, I need you. And I'll pay a lot of money.

Niko:

Listen, Mr. Pegorino. I already told you. I got history...

Peg: No, you listen, you dumb immigrant fuck. I ain't asking you. I'm telling you. Do this! Get over your principles, these guys don't hold grudges. Do it - or you and me are gonna have a problem... (Niko emotionlessly stares at him)... Look, Phil will look after you. You won't even have to deal with the fucking Russians. He's waiting for you down in Tudor.

Niko: Alright.

Peg: I knew I could count on you. [to Tommy] Hey, how about that drink?

Niko: (in head) I still don't trust Dimitri.. Wouldn't hurt to have ONE last person.

* * *

Niko: And that's why I need you

Dash: (outside Packie's house).. But never said anything.. You came over, knocked on my door. and said "and that's why I need you".

Niko: Fine..

(One explanation later).

Niko: And THAT'S whyI need you.

Dash: Russians huh?.. You seem to be _popular_ among them.

Niko: very funny... Now will you come or not?

Dash: Well.. I'm kinda hanging with Packi-

Packie: (off view) Hey Dashie... Wanna watch Adventure Time?

Dash: ... Never mind let's go. (leaves with Niko).


	39. Chapter 39

Phil: Good to see you Nicky.. Who's the girl?

Niko: A friend of mine.. She's a good shot, don't worry.

Phil: I hope so.. Anyway.. Call Dimitri, and let's get this over with.

Niko: (calls Dimitri)

Dimitri: (voice) Niko Bellic, it's so good to be working with you again.

Niko: I cannot say I have the same enthusiasm for this partnership. Have you given them the H? I want to get this money and go home.

Dimitri: (voice) You know what? I thought, "Why should we hand over the H for this price?" I thought it'd be easier if I just killed those guys and kept it.

Niko: Easier for who? What the fuck are you doing? Me and Phil are in their compound. What's going to happen when they find out?

Dimitri: (voice) If I was you, I'd go and get the money off them. It has to be on the site. That way we all win. Good luck, Niko.

Niko: (hangs up) Fucking Dimitri! He's killed the guys collecting the stuff!

Dash: Shit! You got to be kidding me.

Niko: I wish I was.

Phil: Shit, we're screwed. They ain't gonna let us leave. Alright, if we're fighting, we're fighting for the money. We got the jump on them right now. Follow me.. Both of you.


	40. Chapter 40

Phil: (gives Niko a Carbine rifle, and Dash a shotgun).

Phil: (pulls out AK47) Alright, the money's in there. Once we're in, it's all or nothing.

Niko and Dash: Let's go then.

Phil: Come after me... [shoots the skylight].

* * *

Phil: (shooting and screaming gibberious).

* * *

Dash: (shoots three people dead with her shotgun).

* * *

They battle along the floor and the catwalks to a small office on the opposite side of the building. The office door is locked.

Phil: Niko, I can't get in. You gotta give me some help.

They manage to kick open the door as a Russian runs out the other side with the bag of cash.

Phil: The punk is geting away with the money. I ain't come this far to let it go. Come on.

The Russian drives away in a truck.

Dash: We need a car if we're gonna chase that bastard.

Niko and Phil and Dash chase the Russian in a circle around the docks, then on the roads, to eventually stop and kill him.

Niko: We got it.

Phil: Thank fucking God. That certainly wasn't simple.

* * *

LATER:

Phil: Fucking Dimitri. I ain't never been put in a situation like that before.

Niko: I guess you get used to it when you hang around him long enough.

Phil: If they'd gotten tipped off before Dimitri called us, we woulda been fucked. It woulda been an execution.

Niko: Dimitri likes to set up executions. He set up his best friend Mikhail Faustin.

Dash: You gonna kill him then?

Niko: No, it's over for me, I'm out. If I was going to kill him I would have done that instead of this deal. Now I got the money and I'm going to forget all about this shit.

Phil: Good luck to you, man. I hope it works out.

* * *

LATER AGAIN:

Niko: (calls Kate while Dash is still in the backseat) Hey, Kate. I decided to work with that guy. I don't know if it was the right decision but I did it. He screwed me over again.

Kate: (voice) You see, Niko. You should have gone with your instinct not to trust him. I can't believe you could care about money that much.

Niko: Well, we do what we can to survive, Kate. Are you coming to Roman's wedding?

Kate: (voice) I don't think so, Niko. I don't want to be around you right now... I'm sorry. (hangs up).

Niko: Damn.. I still need to bring someone... Hey Dash wanna go to the we-

Dash: No!

Niko: Pleeease?

Dash: I'm not going to a stupid wedding!

* * *

AT THE WEDDING:

Dash: (dressed up) I am NOT happy about this.

Niko: What was the last thing you were EVER happy about?

Dash: ... Shut up.

They meet up with Roman.

Roman: (to Niko) look at you in those fancy clothes.. Trying to outstay the groom on his wedding night. Hahaha... Let's go.


	41. Chapter 41

Mallorie: You ready?

Roman: Sure am.. I just hope that crazy guy doesn't find us.

* * *

 _FLASHBACK:_

 _Trevor: Roman! How come you didn't invite me to your wedding!?_

 _Roman: Well.. You burned down my Long Beach_ _apartment._

 _Trevor: Your still mad about that?_

 _Roman: Yes.. Now please go away._

 _Trevor Fine._

 _LATER:_

 _Roman: Well, Mallorie, I'm so excited about this we- OH MY GOD!_

 _Trevor: (burned Roman's car) TAKE THAT ROMAN! (_ _Maniacal laughter)._

 _Roman: God damn it.. That's the second time this week!_

 _Trevor: (still laughing as the cops come and throw him in their police car)_

 _Mallorie: (sighs) I'll call a cap._


	42. Chapter 42

MEANWHILE:

* * *

Johnny: BILLY!

Billy: Haha.. About time you got here..

Johnny: (points handgun) I'll kill you!

Billy: Come on. You don't know how to use that thing.

Johnny: Oh really? (turns the gun sideways) What if I hold it sideways like a black guy?

Billy: (scared) Whoa man!.. Take it easy, all right?

Johnny: I hate you Billy!.. I ALWAYS hated you!

Billy: You gonna shoot me than? Or just keep standing there staring at me?

Johnny: I will!... Eventually.

Billy: Hurry up! I'm getting bored.

Johnny: I will! I will!.. Just be patient.

Billy: (lies to anger him) I fucked Ashley and Carly BOTH!

Johnny: You prick!

Billy: (wanting him to shoot already) Then do it! What are you waiting for? Go on!

Johnny: I will! I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKIN HEAD OFF!

Billy: THAN DO IT!

Johnny: I WILL!

Billy: Than why am I still alive!?

Johnny: Becau-.. Shut up!

Billy: JUST FUCKIN DO IT!

Johnny: Look.. just give me a second.

(Johnny never dose anything for five whole minutes).

Billy: PUSSY! (tries to stab him with knife)

Johnny: (finally shoots Billy dead).


	43. Chapter 43

SEVERAL DAYS LATER:

* * *

Niko: Dimitri! You and I are gonna finish this!

Dimitri: Fuck you Bellic!

Niko: No fuck YOU Dimitri!.. I KNEW it was a mistake to work with you!.. But I DID... I promised Roman to start forgiving.. And now you took him!... I FUCKIN HATE YOU!

Dimitri: (a bit annoyed) Yes! I am aware of that.

Niko: I have more respect for the shit I invaded my toilet with, than I for you. I'm surprised ANYBODYnlikes you for all you do.. Your a cruel, ugly, annoying-

* * *

 _20 minutes later_

* * *

Niko: ( _still talking as he chases after Dimitri on the roof_ ) over confident, backstabbing, son of a bitch!... And when I find you! swear I am gonna I will rip out your eyes, jab them down your throat and have you watch as I slowly rip each body part off and cut them into bite sized pieces and tha-

* * *

 _5 hours later:_

* * *

Niko: _(still talking as he chases after Dimitri on the boat)_ And when it's finally all done, I will cut off your head and place it over my fireplace, as a constant reminder of what a cold hearted FUCK looks like!.. and this WILL happen, I will hunt you down and-

* * *

 _2 hours later:_

* * *

Niko: ( _still talking as he's getting on Jacob's helicopter)_ And than.. And only than, would I be able to move on!


	44. Chapter 44

Dimitri: (Is süddenly shot in the stomach).

Niko: (approaches) Welcome to America.

Dimitri: (translated) Screw you... You dick.

Niko: Yeah well.. Kill my cousin.. And this is what happens. (shoves a grenade down Dimitri's throat and walks away as it goes off, pieces of Dimitri flying all over the place).

Jacob: Come on Niko man. Get out of here. Let's go. Come on! Wha gwan. Come on. Let's go!

Niko: Roman... never hurt... anyone.

Jacob: I know. I know. Let's go man. It's over. You won.

* * *

 **THE END:**

 **For REAL this time..**


End file.
